


you're the kind of reckless that should send me running (but i kinda know that i won't get far)

by addictedtolove



Series: what if [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22866505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addictedtolove/pseuds/addictedtolove
Summary: the prequel of sorts to what if
Relationships: Alex Morgan/Kelley O'Hara, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Series: what if [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643650
Comments: 15
Kudos: 114





	you're the kind of reckless that should send me running (but i kinda know that i won't get far)

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a part of what if but it turned out to be way too long so i just made it it's own thing. sparks fly by taylor swift (p much any t swift song) and pink skies by lany are kind of the anthem of this chapter and kellex in general.

The first time Kelley O’Hara ‘meets’ Alex Morgan is when she slide tackles her to the floor and they end up in a tangled heap on the pitch. Kelley thinks it’s a fair tackle, Alex vehemently disagrees from her place on the floor, but the referee ends up agreeing with Kelley. 

Right away, Kelley thinks she’s one of the prettiest girls she’s ever seen, with light brown hair and these pretty blue eyes that she thinks would be even prettier if they weren’t glaring at Kelley. Kelley offers her a hand to help her up, but Alex rolls her eyes and rejects it, getting up herself and pointedly brushing the grass off of her jersey. Tobin jogs over to Alex to check up on her, and gives Kelley an amused smile when Alex mutters something to her and gets back into position.

Alex Morgan was a name the Stanford team, and Kelley in particular, was very familiar with. She was a freshman hoping to single-handedly lead Cal to the finals of the College Cup, and so, Kelley feels like she has something to prove.

She pushes herself to run faster and play harder than she’s ever played, and it results in a late goal that curls around the goalkeeper’s fingertips. She fist pumps victoriously as her teammates crowd around her, and she sees through the gaps how Alex’s face is hardened with determination. She says something to Tobin, who nods, and they jog to the half-way line for the kick-off. Alex is fast, like scary fast, and her and Tobin have some kind of weird connection on the pitch. Every ball that Tobin lifts over the defence manages to land perfectly in front of her feet. 

Tobin is always amazing to watch, she’s unpredictable on the ball, twisting and dancing around players effortlessly, leaving a trail of fallen defenders in her wake. Kelley loves it when they’re on the same team, but now watching her spin around her teammates while she can just look on helplessly is frustrating.

Kelley looks over to see there’s one minute of stoppage time, and she watches from the near the halfway line as Tobin lifts a high ball over the heads of their backline which Alex sprints after, leaving the Stanford defence scrambling to catch up. Kelley knows there and then that Alex is going to score, and not two seconds later, the sound of the ball hitting the net echoes in her ears.

-

Kelley slings her bag with her soccer gear over her shoulder as she exits the locker room, and is greeted by the sight of Tobin juggling a soccer ball casually, while talking to Alex. She spots Kelley and breaks out in that wide smile, before kicking the ball up and catching it easily. “Good game today, cap,” Tobin says, and Kelley rolls her eyes at the nickname with a smile.

“I still don’t know why you call me that off the pitch, Tobs,” she says, and Tobin just shrugs. Kelley looks over at Alex, who’s standing awkwardly beside Tobin and is currently looking at her phone. 

Tobin notices her looking, and laughs, “Shit, forgot you two haven’t been officially introduced, Kelley O’Hara meet Alexandra Morgan.”

Kelley sticks out a hand with a half smile, “Sorry for the tackle earlier.” She’s worried for a moment that Alex would just ignore it.

“It’s all fair in war,” Alex says, grasping her hand, and returning the smile, although it’s a little tight.

“She’s a little intense, and a sore loser,” Tobin says, ruffling Alex’s hair and laughing when Alex tries to duck away.

“That’s fair, so am I,” Kelley says.

“You two will get on fine then,” Tobin says, rolling her eyes.

“When’s your bus leaving?”

“In a few hours, Coach has given us some time to get some food, so I thought you could take us to the usual place if you’re free?” Tobin asks.

“Sounds good, although hanging out with two Berkeley students is going to impact my street cred around here so maybe wear some disguises,” Kelley says, and yelps when Tobin throws the soccer ball at her head.

-

“Please invite her, Kel,” Tobin whines for what seems like the hundredth time in the last five minutes, as Kelley leads them to her favourite diner.

“Just invite her O’Hara, I’m begging you, I cannot hear her ask you one more time, I swear to God,” Alex pleads, having loosened up a bit from earlier. Kelley rolls her eyes.

“Fine,” she huffs, bringing her phone out to text Christen, who Tobin had a poorly hidden thing for. “But don’t get your hopes up because she left early to get on with some work.”

** _Kelley: _ ** _ Wanna come to the usual place to get food? _

** _CP23: _ ** _ I have this presentation to finish, who are you going with? _

** _Kelley: _ ** _ Tobs, she’s asking for you- and her friend _

** _CP23_ ** _ : i’ll meet you there _

Kelley rolls her eyes again, Christen was so predictable. “Change of plans, she’s suddenly free,” Kelley announces, and Tobin does a little fist pump. “Great, another lunch date third wheeling the most oblivious not-couple in the world.”

“At least you have me this time,” Alex says, nudging her with a small smile, and Kelley hates how much she melts.

True to her word, Christen is waiting in front of the diner when they arrive and she’s definitely changed from what she was wearing after the match. She smiles shyly at Tobin, and introduces herself properly to Alex, before Kelley gets tired of the eye-fucking going on and leads them inside.

They crowd into a booth with Tobin and Christen on one side, and Alex and Kelley on the other. Tobin and Christen are in their own world which leaves Kelley and Alex on the other side alone. 

It’s awkward until it isn’t.

They actually get on surprisingly well, Alex is sarcastic and quick and always has a comeback to anything Kelley says. She learns Alex is the youngest of three girls and a native Cali girl through and through, but she isn’t too surprised as the tan she’s sporting is a bit of a giveaway. Alex laughs at her stories about growing up in Georgia or at her, she’s not too sure, but she’ll take it.

“Hi, what can I get you guys?” The waitress interrupts Kelley in the middle of her story about the prank she and her sister pulled when they were younger. “No Ali today?”

“No, she’s actually doing some work, unlike the rest of us,” Kelley explains, easy smile on her face at the sight of Ann.

“Usual for you, Kelley?”

Kelley laughs, “Didn’t realise I was a regular, Ann, but yes please.”

“I saw your goal today, pretty impressive,” Ann says, and Kelley doesn’t like the way Tobin is smirking at her right now.

“Does that mean it’s on the house?” Kelley asks.

“In your dreams,” Ann says, laughing slightly. “How about the rest of you?”

They go round and order and Ann leaves, leaving Kelley unprotected to the interrogation she knows is coming.

“It’s not just me who thinks Ann’s totally into Kelley right?” Tobin asks, leaning forward conspiratorially.

“Yes,” Kelley answers as the other two simultaneously answer:

“No!”

“She was totally checking you out,” Christen says.

“She was not,” Kelley protests, but can’t hide the red creeping up her neck.

“You’re blushing, O’Hara,” Alex points out.

“Shut it, Morgan,” Kelley says, and Alex puts her hands up in mock surrender.

“Alright, but it’s cute,” Alex says, and Kelley’s brush grows deeper at that.

“Reminds me of you and Serv,” Tobin teases, and Kelley’s heart drops a little at the mention of this ‘Serv’.

“Serv?” Christen asks.

“Servando, my boyfriend,” Alex says, confirming Kelley’s suspicions. 

Kelley tries to push down the tiny ache in her chest every time Alex laughs, or does that smile where her eyes crinkle at the corners, and she curses her skill at getting crushes on straight girls, especially when they have boyfriends. Then, Alex hands back her phone after entering her number in it and their fingers brush, and Kelley knows she’s a little fucked.

-

They go for a walk in a park nearby afterwards, Alex and Kelley trailing behind Tobin and Christen. It’s easy with Alex, Kelley decides. She doesn’t really have to try that hard to keep a conversation going and the smile on her face is even easier.

Alex shivers slightly and Kelley’s immediately shrugging out of her denim jacket. Alex takes it, with a shy smile, and puts it on, wrapping it around herself. “Thank you, Kelley.”

“Anytime, I can’t stand by when a pretty girl such as yourself is shivering and not do anything about it,” Kelley says, with a half-smile, trying to disguise a line that came out way too flirty as a joke with a nervous laugh.

Alex looks at her for a moment, searching her face. Kelley internally panics, wondering if she crossed a line and fucked up this friendship before it had a chance to actually begin. Then, Alex smiles. “That’s really romantic,” she finally says. “Almost makes up for that tackle.”

“That was a fair tackle and you know it.”

“I know no such thing.”

-

It’s only later, when she gets home, that she remembers that Alex still has her jacket.

-

Alex doesn’t take too long to text her, waiting three days after she gives Kelley her number. To be honest, it takes Kelley by surprise since she thought it was just a nice gesture rather than something she’d actually use.

** _Alex Morgan: _ ** _ Hey, it’s Alex Morgan _

** _Kelley O’Hara: _ ** _ I think the contact name (that you put in) gave it away, Alex Morgan _

** _Alex Morgan_ ** _ : lol, whatever, I was going to invite you to a party but maybe not if you’re going to be sassy _

** _Kelley O’Hara_ ** _ : A party??? Noooo I’m the most fun at parties _

** _Alex Morgan:_ ** _ That’s what Tobin keeps telling me, but I don’t know how much I believe her _

** _Kelley O’Hara_ ** _ : Why don’t you invite me and find out? _

** _Alex Morgan_ ** _ : Fineeeee, but only because I want you to make Christen come too before Tobin drives me crazy with how much she’s moaning about missing her _

** _Kelley O’Hara_ ** _ : lolll it’s worse over here trust me, let’s get them drunk and get them to make out because the sexual tension is killing me _

** _Alex Morgan_ ** _ : sounds like a plan _

** _Kelley O’Hara_ ** _ : thanks Alex Morgan, text me the details and we’ll be there _

Alex texts her the details as promised while Kelley calls Christen.

“Time for a party, Press.”

“Hello to you too, Kelley,” Christen deadpans. “A party? Where?”

Kelley pretends to gag, “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we’re going to Berkeley.”

-

Alex and Kelley’s plan to get Christen and Tobin together becomes forgotten with every drink Alex has. It’s not like they need to worry too much since Tobin and Christen had disappeared together a while ago. Kelley’s not drinking for once since she’s the designated driver.

Alex seems drunk if the way she’s hanging onto Kelley is any indication. “Do you want to get some air, Al?” Kelley asks, as it’s starting to get stuffy in the middle of all the bodies.

Alex nods and giggles, and lets Kelley lead her by the hand to the patio outside. She shuts the door behind them which does a poor job of muffling the bass of the song inside but it’s better than it was. Alex sways slightly where she’s standing up, making Kelley laugh at her, which makes her pout.

“Sit down, Al,” Kelley says, smiling softly at her, hating how endeared she is.

“Only if you sit down with me,” Alex says, pulling Kelley down on the bench next to her. Alex leans her head on Kelley’s shoulder, sighing contently. “You smell nice.” She says, leaning in way closer than necessary.

Kelley laughs nervously, “Thank you.”

“Like really good,” Alex murmurs, pressing her face against Kelley’s neck.

“Alex?” She hears behind them, and she pulls away from Alex too quickly, even if nothing was actually happening. She turns to see the guy Alex was with earlier - her boyfriend- watching them with a frown.

“Serv,” Alex says, as Kelley springs up, and Alex nearly falls sideways onto the bench. She also stands, albeit more shakily and slower than Kelley. Kelley can’t help but steady her by wrapping an arm around her waist, even with Servando watching her intensely. Alex giggles and buries her head in Kelley’s neck, which really doesn’t help the situation or Kelley’s racing heart.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Servando says, slowly, and Kelley wants to protest that nothing was happening but Alex’s breath is hitting her neck and it’s making it hard for her to function. “I just haven’t seen you all night.”

“I was jus’ hanging out with Kel,” Alex says, and her lips brush against Kelley’s neck when she speaks, and it takes everything in Kelley to not react.

“Right…” Servando draws out, before looking at Kelley and smiling politely. “Hi, I’m Serv, Alex’s boyfriend.”

“Kelley, Alex’s…” She pauses, trying to find the right word. “Friend?” It’s more of a question, because they’ve known each other for literally two days in total but they’d spent the past few hours talking like they’d known each other for years. Once again, it had been almost too easy with her.

“She’s the best, Serv! The most amazing forward I’ve ever seen, even if she does play for Stanford,” Alex gushes, and Kelley can feel herself go red at the compliment.

“Kel!” Christen shouts, joining them on the patio, as Tobin watches her with an amused smile. “Come on! We need to go home!”

“Hey Serv,” Tobin greets him, and he nods at her. She looks a lot more sober than she was at the beginning of the night. “She’s a little drunk,” she adds, gesturing to Christen.

“Bit of an understatement,” Kelley says, “What time is it?

“Around 2?” Tobin guesses.

“2? Already? Shit, you’re right Chris, we should go,” Kelley says, wondering how time had gone so quickly as if the answer wasn’t tucked under her neck right now. Christen nods, and her eyes flicker down to where Kelley’s hand is resting on Alex’s hip. “Thanks for the invite, Al,” Kelley says, quickly dropping her hand, because a drunk Christen was still annoyingly observant.

“Thanks for coming, I had a really good time,” Alex slurs, wrapping her arms around Kelley’s neck. Kelley can see Tobin looks away politely, while Christen stares at them with narrowed eyes. Servando just looks a little out of place.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Kelley asks, patting her back before pulling away.

“Me and Serv will take care of her, Kel,” Tobin reassures her, and this does make Kelley feel a little better about leaving an inebriated Alex. 

“Bye, Christen,” Alex says, going to hug Christen as well, and it’s a wonder that they both manage to stay upright. Alex pulls away and goes to lean into Serv, who puts an arm around her shoulder, and Kelley tries not to look at them.

Tobin walks Christen to Kelley’s car, while Kelley trails awkwardly behind them. They reach the car, and Kelley decides to be nice and give them some time alone. “Catch ya later, Tobs,” she says, punching her shoulder lightly. Tobin smiles gratefully as Kelley gets in the car, leaving her and Christen alone.

Kelley watches them through her windscreen, tapping a beat on the steering wheel impatiently. She rolls her eyes at how they’re staring at each other in silence. “So high school,” she mutters to herself, but it looks promising when Christen starts to lean in. “Go on, Press,” she cheers to herself.

Christen stops before opening her mouth and vomiting all over Tobin’s shoes. “For fuck’s sake,” Kelley groans, opening the car door, as Tobin looks down at her feet in shock. “My car better not smell of vomit tomorrow,” she calls out to them, even though she knows it definitely will.

-

Ali, Tobin and Kelley make plans to go surfing, and Christen is forced by them to come and take a break and relax. Kelley works up the courage to text Alex to invite her, and by works up the courage, she means that Ali gets tired of watching her stare at her phone for more than ten minutes and threatens to text Alex for her if she doesn’t.

“I don’t get it, do you like her or something?” Ali asks, hanging upside down on the armchair in the living room.

“She has a boyfriend,” Kelley says, stretched across the couch, figuring out what to type. 

“Not what I asked, Kel,” Ali says, smirking. “So this is the girl you slide tackled and then fell in love with almost immediately? Like I could see heart eyes from across the pitch.”

“They looked real cosy at that party, she disappeared with her for the whole of it,” Christen says, not looking away from her laptop, sat in the other armchair.

“Wait what?” Ali asks, struggling to get upright so she can stare at Kelley in shock. “You homewrecker!”

“I am not!” Kelley protests, finally looking up from her phone. “She’s just easy to talk to and touchy when she’s drunk. Press, you can’t talk, you disappeared off first and ditched me for Tobs.”

Christen blushes, “Shut up, Kelley.”

“For fuck’s sake, I miss one party and both of you get lucky?” Ali complains, and Kelley rolls her eyes.

“Alex is just a friend. I don’t think Christen can say the same about Tobin though, but her game’s pretty weak. She went in for a kiss and then decided to throw up on Tobin’s new shoes,” Kelley throws Christen under the bus so Ali will leave her alone and it works as Ali starts interrogating her. Christen throws a cushion at her face. It’s worth it.

**Kel:** _U wanna come to the beach tomorrow morning? _

Kelley finally decides on the message which sounds as casual as she can make it and waits for a reply nervously. She doesn’t know why she’s so nervous, they’ve been talking non-stop after the party.

**Alex Morgan: ** _ Yeah, sounds nice! What time were you thinking? _

**Kel: ** _ we were gonna meet at 7:30 tmr _

**Alex Morgan: ** _ that’s insanely early wtf _

**Kel:** _it’s the sacrifice u make to catch some good waves_

**Alex Morgan: ** _ i didn’t know you surfed _

**Kel: ** _ there’s a lot u don’t know about me ;) _

Before Kelley can reply, Ali snatches her phone out of her hands. “Hey! Give that back!” Kelley shouts, jumping up to run after Ali, but she’s tackled and held down by Christen. “What the fuck, Christen?” 

“Payback’s a bitch, Kel,” Christen says, almost apologetic, as she refuses to budge.

“What the hell? Kelley, you obviously like her,” Ali says.

“What does it say?” Christen asks, pointedly ignoring Kelley squirming underneath her.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, winky face,” Ali reads out, but with an exaggerated, seductive voice that makes Christen giggle and Kelley rolls her eyes.

“You’re so dramatic,” Kelley says, having just given up.

“We all know what the wink means, Kel,” Ali says, cackling louder when Kelley flips her off.

**-**

Kelley is too focused on surfing to notice Alex’s arrival. She catches one last wave before swimming back to shore. Tobin had gone back half an hour ago to keep Christen company, and Ali had followed her so she didn’t miss out on any more of the ‘romance’ she was sure would blossom, even though Kelley knew the vomit incident had put a bit of a damper on things in that department so decided to stay. As soon as she reaches the sand, she unzips her wetsuit and peels it off halfway, before walking back to the group, board under her arm.

She sees Ali talking to Alex while Alex watches her walk over with a shy smile. As Kelley gets closer, Alex’s smile falters as her eyes trail a path down her neck and chest and biceps before resting on Kelley’s stomach. Kelley’s actually feeling grateful to her coach for forcing her to work out so much because her abs have never looked better.

“Alex Morgan,” she greets her, trying not to blush as Alex finally looks back at her face. She ignores Ali’s smirk.

“Kelley O’Hara, you look good out there,” Alex says, throwing Kelley a towel so she can dry off.

“Kelley’s like half fish, but not as good as me,” Ali says. Kelley throws her wet towel at her. 

“Not my fault you had like an eighteen year headstart on me, Georgia’s not really known for its surf spots, whereas every Cali girl knows how to surf.”

“Not every Cali girl,” Tobin says, with a smirk.

“Even Christen knows how to surf, she just chooses not to,” Kelley says, taking off her wetsuit.

“I was talking about Alex,” Tobin says.

Kelley’s eyes snap to Alex’s face, who looks at her with embarrassment. “Alex no… tell me it’s not true.”

“I just never learnt,” Alex defends herself, as Kelley collapses dramatically in the sand next to her. 

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore,” Kelley says, looking serious.

“Why don’t you just teach her, Kel?” Ali asks, with an innocent expression but Kelley can see right through it.

“I don’t think Alex wants to be taught by me, I have zero patience,” Kelley says, because the idea of being alone in close proximity with Alex in a bikini sounds like torture.

“I’m not going to turn down a free surf lesson, but maybe you’re just not up for the job?” Alex says, with a teasing smile.

“Oh it’s on, Morgan,” Kelley says, cursing her inability to back down from a challenge. “However, a bit presumptuous to assume that my services come free.”

“I just assumed the value of my company was more than enough,” Alex says, shrugging. “But I could also rub sunscreen on your back since you look like you could catch fire at any moment.”

“I know I’m extremely Irish but that’s harsh, Al,” Kelley jokes.

“Just looking out for you,” Alex says, “So what do you think?”

Kelley pretends to think about it hard before sticking out her hand, “It’s a deal.”

Alex grasps her hand and shakes it. “Lie down on your front then.”

“Buy a girl dinner first, Al, come on,” Kelley says, but Alex just rolls her eyes. Kelley rolls onto her stomach, and ignores the amused look on Ali’s face. She can tell she’s not going to hear the end of this. 

-

They go to a diner afterwards, and Kelley offers to drive them home instead of having to get the bus back. This was met with protests at first but Kelley insists they can just cover her meal if they felt so bad. 

“Guess I’m actually buying the girl dinner,” Alex says, with a smirk that shouldn’t come off as flirty as it does, and it really isn’t helping the situation with Ali, who can’t even hide her smug smile anymore. Kelley’s just lucky that Christen is too caught up with Tobin to notice. 

They get an early dinner at some restaurant near the beach, and Alex, true to her word, buys Kelley’s meal, and shrugs off Tobin’s offer to split it, saying that this is her payment for the surf lessons too. Kelley feels ridiculously endeared and wants to tell Alex that she really doesn’t need to since spending time with Alex is something _ she’d _ actually pay money for, but she keeps her mouth shut, for once, and lets Alex buy her meal.

Afterwards, they all clamber into Kelley’s car, Ali and Christen wanting to come with her to drop the other two off, not wanting to say goodbye yet. Christen gets in the back, followed by Tobin (no surprise there) but she is surprised when she sees Ali also getting in the back despite winning shotgun privileges in a drinking game at the start of the year- a game that nearly resulted in a small fire and alcohol poisoning (a story for another day). She throws her a questioning look but Ali ignores her, same smirk on her face from before. 

She really needs to talk to her about stopping the attempt to set her up with a straight girl with a boyfriend but she’ll keep quiet just for now. Alex sits in the seat next to her, almost shyly again, as if wondering if it’s okay. Kelley sends her a reassuring smile, and tells everyone to buckle up. “You wanna pick the music, Al?”

Alex lights up, nodding and connecting her iPod to the car and she chooses a song that Kelley’s been listening to on repeat for the past month. Her friends groan. Kelley can feel Alex’s eyes on her while she drives but she tries her best to ignore it and focus on the road, but she can’t help but look over and smile at her as Ali and Tobin butcher the song in the back seat. 

She realises she could get used to this. 

All of her best friends in the car, singing loudly to a song they only know the lyrics to because Kelley refuses to play anything else, while Alex is looking at her with that smile and those warm eyes as the sun hits her face. She catches Ali’s eye in the backseat and the look she gives her lets her know that it’s written all over her face. 

-

Alex and Kelley try and hang out as much as they can, with Alex and Tobin even showing up at Stanford to support them in the tournament, but midterms coming up means that they can’t talk as much as they want to. However, one weekend, Alex texts Kelley and tells her to come over because she has something to show her. Kelley is enticed enough that she makes the 45 minute drive as soon as she finishes her last midterm, not even bothering to go home first.

It’s worth it when Alex unveils a brand new red scooter, that glistens in the sunlight and has Kelley itching to drive it. She tells her she’s been begging her dad for one for months. 

Alex agrees to let her drive and she regrets it almost immediately because Alex sits behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist tight, no space between them at all.

“Do you even know how to ride one of these things?” Alex asks, as Kelley starts the scooter.

“Will you just trust me? What’s the worst that could happen?” Kelley asks, rolling her eyes.

In hindsight, that was just like asking for something to go wrong.

Kelley groans as Alex lands square on top of her, after tumbling over the handlebars. Alex bursts out laughing which makes Kelley laugh despite the pain. “Fuck.”

“So this is what trusting in you gets me?” Alex asks, rolling of Kelley and getting to her feet. She rubs off the dirt and holds out a hand to Kelley, who takes it and stands up less steadily.

“Your elbows are so fucking bony,” Kelley says, rubbing her stomach.

“Shit, Kel, you're bleeding,” Alex says, looking at the small cut on Kelley’s forehead. “We need to get you cleaned up.”

“Check your scooter first,” Kelley says, examining her elbows and then her knees, and thankfully it doesn’t seem too bad as this could have ended ten times worse than it did. She wishes she’d changed out of her shorts before coming here though, because the sight of her knees were a little disgusting. Alex picks up her scooter and curses when she sees the left side is badly scratched up.

“My dad is going to kill me.”

-

Alex takes her back to her dorm room to try and patch her up. She makes her sit on the counter in the toilet so she can tend to her better. Alex is stood in between her legs in order to clean the cut on her forehead, and it’s way too close for her to focus on the pain too much, but she can only be distracted from the sting of rubbing alcohol on an open wound so much. She hisses at the pain.

Alex stops what she’s doing to make sure Kelley is okay. She brushes her knuckles over Kelley’s cheek, in an effort to comfort her, she guesses, and the mood shifts instantly. It’s like they both realise at the same time just how close their faces are, and Kelley forgets how to breathe, Alex’s hand just resting against Kelley’s cheek. Alex’s eyes flicker down to Kelley’s lips to follow the movement of her tongue when she licks them. Then she lazily lifts her eyes back to Kelley’s, and her pupils are so wide that Kelley can barely see the blue but she likes this just as much, maybe more.

They’re stuck in this moment for too long before it’s ruined by the sound of a knock on Alex’s door. “Alex?” It’s Servando. Now that really ruins the mood.

Alex takes three steps away from Kelley, avoiding her eyes, while Kelley literally can’t seem to move her limbs. “I’m going… to go see what he wants,” Alex says, dazed, turning and walking away before Kelley can say anything.

Kelley wishes Ali was here to slap some sense into her but she isn’t, so she takes the moment alone to slap herself on the cheeks. She’s better than this, she’s better than this, she knows she is. She’s repeating this to herself in her head. She has a boyfriend. She has a boyfriend, and Kelley’s better than this, but, God, she wants to kiss her. Nothing can stop her from wanting to kiss that stupid, dazed look off her face- but she won’t, because Kelley’s better than this.

At least she hopes she is, but when it came to Alex, she knew there was only an illusion of choice.

-

Kelley drives home and face plants into the couch as soon as she walks through the doors.

“What happened, kid?” Ali asks, getting up off her armchair to come and drop down next to Kelley. She places a hand on her back.

“Alex,” Kelley groans into the couch.

“So you admit you like her?” Ali asks, trying to turn Kelley so she can look at her.

Kelley lifts her head, “Yes, are you happy? I like her.”

Ali gasps.

“Why are you surprised? You’ve been hounding me for weeks,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes, even though Ali can’t even see her.

"I just didn’t think you’d ever admit it, this is worse than I thought,” Ali says, and Kelley finally turns over to sigh. “What happened to your forehead?”

“What?” Kelley says, touching her forehead, and wincing when she remembers the cut, “Oh, I was involved in a small motorcycle crash.”

“What? And you didn’t lead with that? What is this girl doing to your head?” Ali says.

“Apart from causing it to bleed you mean?” Kelley jokes, but Ali doesn’t laugh, just stares at her with a frown.

“I’ve never seen you like this before, about a girl,” Ali says, and it’s true. No girl had managed to successfully capture Kelley’s attention for more than one night, which is why she’s surprised her little thing for Alex has lasted this long. Kelley gets up and leans on Ali’s shoulder. “What happened today?”

She explains the events of today as concisely as she can, and then mulls over telling Ali about the almost kiss. Then she remembers wanting Ali there in the bathroom to slap some sense into her so she figures this might be what she needs. “Then, we had this… moment.”

“Moment?”

“Yeah, it was weird. I think if her boyfriend hadn’t interrupted us… we would have kissed,” Kelley says, and as she says it out loud, she’s now a hundred percent sure that they would have kissed, and doesn’t know if she’s happy that Servando interrupted them when he did.

“Shit.”

“You can say that again,” Kelley deadpans.

“Are you sure-”

“I think I know by now when a girl is about to kiss me,” Kelley says, and Ali snorts.

“Calm down, Romeo,” Ali nudging Kelley with her shoulder. “So, what do you do from here? Because I know you’re not a homewrecker.”

“And I’ve literally only known her for, what? A month?” Kelley says, “I’ve never really clicked with anyone else like this, and before you start pouting, I mean in a way where I also want to kiss her all the time.”

“I’m a catch, O’Hara,” Ali says, pretending to be offended, “You’d be lucky to kiss these lips.”

“Unfortunately, I’ve experienced them and it was _ because _of my shitty luck if I recall correctly,” Kelley says, recalling the time where they had devised a whole spin the bottle plan in order to get Ali and this boy she was pining over to kiss. They had practised for hours so Ali could spin the bottle and have it land exactly opposite her, and all Kelley had to do was get him to sit there. Kelley was severely drunk at this point however and maybe misjudged the positioning slightly, so she was left staring at the bottle that was pointing at her while Ali looked like she was going to kill her. They had to kiss, if you could call it that- it was a brush of lips before exaggerated gagging on Kelley’s end, and a murderous glare on Ali’s.

“I don’t think pretending to throw up after kissing me was the most conventional wingman move,” Ali says, still annoyed a year later.

“Did you end up making out with him or not?” Kelley says, pulling away from Ali to look at her with a smug smile.

“...Maybe…”

“Then don’t question my methods,” Kelley says, lying down on the couch and resting her legs on Ali’s lap. “I like her, and it scares me, Ali.”

“This is a big deal if you’re admitting it, Kel,” Ali points out. “Okay. I love you too much to let you look this sad, as much as it makes me laugh to see you all piney over some Cal girl. Invite her and her boyfriend to the party this Friday, Tobin’s already coming, and then I’m going to invite Ann, an-”

“Ann?” Kelley asks, frowning, “What’s she got to do with anything?”

“Tobin told me she obviously has a thing for you which isn’t news really, but also maybe it’ll send a message to Alex to back off,” Ali says, “I’ll be on a duty to keep you two apart.”

“That isn’t necessary,” Kelley argues,

“You said it yourself, she gets touchy when drunk? And you turn into such a frat boy when you’re drunk,” Ali says, remembering the times she’s seen Kelley stumble upstairs with some girl that she’ll probably never see after that night. “Bad combination, if you ask me.”

“I’m not that bad,” Kelley says, but it’s got no conviction behind it.

“I’m doing this to help you, so either take my help or torture yourself,” Ali says.

Kelley knows she’s right, so she gets out her phone. “I’ll invite Ann. You invite Alex.”

“This is for your own good, kiddo,” Ali says, ruffling her hair.

-

Kelley should have known better than to trust Ali to execute her own plans well. It all starts when Alex arrives with no Servando in sight. Kelley looks at Ali and the guilt is all over her face. “I guess I forgot to tell her to invite her boyfriend too,” Ali says, “But it’s okay. Ann’s coming, and I’m here to act as a buffer.”

Alex walks over to Kelley, with that shy smile that kills her a little. “Long time no see, O’Hara,” she jokes, wrapping her arms around Kelley in a tight hug, which she returns.

“Careful, Alex Morgan, you’re sounding a little obsessed with me,” Kelley says, pulling away with a smirk.

“You wouldn’t be the first woman to fall for the O’Hara charms,” Ali says, inserting herself between them so unsubtly that Kelley would have laughed if she wasn’t part of it. “It was like Kelley was on a mission to sleep with every available girl on campus last year.”

Kelley almost facepalms. Real subtle.

“Oh?” Alex says, glancing at Kelley who wants to kill Ali right now. Kelley might be imagining it, but her smile drops a little.

“Yeah, I’ve lost count of how many random girls I’ve had to have an awkward breakfast with the morning after,” Ali says, and Kelley’s definitely not imagining it, Alex isn’t smiling anymore.

“Let’s get you a drink, Al,” Kelley says, cutting off Ali before she can say anything else. She pushes Alex in the direction of the kitchen, while turning around to glare at Ali, who just shrugs. Kelley makes a mental note to never follow one of Ali’s plans ever again.

It’s quieter in the kitchen, and Kelley starts making her a drink. “I drove here,” Alex reminds her, “And even if I wasn’t, that’s way too much vodka, are you trying to kill me?”

“Just crash here tonight,” Kelley says, “And come on, you’re the one who wanted to see wild Kelley.”

“I have, only because of all the stories I’ve heard from Tobin,” Alex says, before looking at the ground, “And are you sure I can stay?”

“Duh, you can stay in my room,” Kelley says, and after saying it, she realises that she deserves to suffer.

“Alright then, hand me that thing before I change my mind,” Alex says, taking the drink while Kelley pours herself a drink that’s vodka with a splash of coke- if she’s going to survive one of Ali’s plans she needs to be drunk. “So,” Alex starts, and Kelley can tell she’s not going to enjoy this at all, so she takes a big gulp of her drink. “Ali made you out to be some kind of professional pick-up artist.”

She should have known Alex wouldn’t have let it go. “She’s exaggerating, I mean, maybe I went through a bit of a phase but I can’t remember the last time I got any action.” (She can- the weekend before she met Alex.) “She’s on a mission to set me up tonight.”

“Really? With who?” Alex asks, and Kelley isn’t drunk enough yet to miss the way her jaw clenches or how the grip on her glass tightens.

“Ann, the waitress from the diner? Remember her?” Kelley asks,

“The one that was totally flirting with you?” Alex teases, but her smile is a little forced. 

“I didn’t notice,” Kelley says, wanting a real smile from Alex. “Enough about her, it’s time to party.”

-

She’s definitely drunk by the time Ann arrives. Way drunker than Alex who had just stuck to that one drink, but maybe on the same level as Ali, which means she has even less subtlety- not that she had much to begin with.

She’s so drunk that she has her hands on Alex’s shoulders and is saying to her, “Alex, you are so freaking pretty.”

“Thanks, Kel,” Alex says, with an amused smile.

“No, seriously, the prettiest girl I’ve ever met,” Kelley says, stumbling so her face was too close to Alex. Alex breath hitches and she steadies her.

“Careful.”

“Does he tell you that enough?” Kelley asks, tone more serious than it has been all night. Alex’s amused smile fades a little, and she avoids Kelley’s eyes.

“What’s gotten into you?” Alex says, trying to change the subject.

“I’m just saying, if you were my girlfriend, I would tell you every day, every minute even,” Kelley says, and Alex looks up into her eyes again. It makes Kelley feel even drunker.

“Kel…” Alex murmurs, and Kelley can tell it’s happening again. She trails her hands down Alex’s shoulders, down her arms and rests them on her hips.

“Kelley!” She hears her name being shouted and jumps away from Alex to see Ali with an arm around Ann. Alex tenses behind her but she’s too drunk to really notice. “Ann’s here.”

“Hey, Kel,” Ann says, and Kelley hugs her, the alcohol really having gotten rid of her respect of boundaries.

“Hi, Ann, nice to see you,” Kelley says, “This is Alex,” she says, pulling Alex forward by the hand.

“Hi, we met the other month,” Alex says.

“You’re from Cal right? Tobin’s friend?” Ann asks.

“Yeah, somehow I’m at Stanford more often than not,” Alex jokes.

“O’Hara! There’s a beer pong tournament and Jackson’s talking shit about how he can beat you!” A frat boy comes running over to interrupt them and starts pulling on Kelley’s arm.

“Come on then, Zac, I have a title to defend,” Kelley says, letting him pull her down to the basement.

“Shit, you guys have to see Kelley play beer pong,” Ali says, running after them. Alex and Ann look at each other before shrugging and following them down.

-

“Okay, I didn’t realise ‘Wild Kelley’ was basically just a frat boy,” Alex says, standing with Kelley in the garden, so she could get some air before she threw up from all the beer she had to drink.

“A frat boy that’s extremely good at beer pong,” Kelley argues, and Alex laughs.

“Okay, I’ll give you that,” Alex says, before looking over at Kelley, who’s watching her with a smile. “What?”

“Nothing, I’m just… happy I met you,” Kelley says, and she can see Alex’s blush even in the dim light.

“Alright, you charmer, calm down,” Alex says, “I bet this is what you say to all the ladies.”

“Only the pretty ones,” Kelley says, and Alex rolls her eyes. 

“Now that’s clearly a pick up line.”

“You’re lucky you have a boyfriend, Al, because you wouldn’t be able to resist the real O’Hara charms.”

“Is that right?” Alex asks, turning to face Kelley, who’s got a cocky half-smile on her face that Alex finds weirdly attractive. 

“Absolutely. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m, like, irresistible,” Kelley shrugs.

“And so humble too,” Alex deadpans.

“But sadly you have a boyfriend, so I’ll have to focus my efforts on someone else,” Kelley says, jokingly pouting.

“Who? Ann?” Alex asks, not sure why she felt so disappointed.

“Why not?” Kelley says, before sighing. “I should probably find her, I’ve been, like, the worst date.”

“Yeah, but to be fair, you had to defend your beer pong champion title,” Alex says, ignoring the sting at the mention of Kelley being Ann’s date.

“At least you get it,” Kelley says, before taking a deep breath and exhaling. “Better get back in there then. Coming?”

“Nah, I’m going to stay out here for a little longer, good luck with Ann, and leave a sock on the door if I have to sleep on the couch,” Alex says, and she’s proud she makes it sound somewhat genuine.

Kelley rolls her eyes at that, “Give me more credit than that, Al, please. I’ll catch you later.”

-

Alex hears the doors slide open behind her, and turns to see it’s Christen. She walks over and sits on the bench next to her. “Party’s winding down,” she states, and Alex nods.

“Kelley said I could stay round, but if she’s… occupied, I can just crash on the couch,” Alex says, and Christen looks at Alex carefully.

“Ann kissed her,” Christen says, and it’s not with any sort of excitement, it’s said with almost sympathy. Alex isn’t too surprised, she saw this coming, who wouldn’t want to kiss Kelley? She is surprised by how much it hurts though.

“Finally,” Alex says, looking down at her cup which has been empty for the past hour. “So I guess that’s a yes to the couch?”

“You know, I’ve never seen Kelley turn down an offer of a hookup before,” Christen says, and Alex snaps her head up to look at her in shock.

“What?”

“Yeah, she said she was too tired, and that’s never been the case so I’m guessing she was lying to protect her feelings,” Christen says, looking uncharacteristically serious. “Alex, what’s the deal with you and your boyfriend?”

“Servando? What has he got to do with anything?”

“Don’t play dumb, Alex. We all know what’s going on here,” Christen says, crossing her arms. She could be scary when she wanted to.

“I’ve been dating Servando since I was fifteen,” Alex says, in lieu of acknowledging what Christen was implying.

“That’s a long time,” Christen comments.

“Yeah, I can’t remember what it’s like to not date him,” Alex admits. Christen’s face softens, and it makes Alex feel worse.

“Alex, Kelley’s my friend-”

“Christen. I know, okay. I have these feelings for her and I don't know what to do. It's weird, I’ve been with him for the past 3 years, and I have never so much as looked at someone else. Then suddenly she slide tackles her way into my life and I can’t go three seconds without wanting to kiss her. It’s scary, and wrong, and I’m trying so hard to figure out what it means because I really don’t want to hurt Kel, or Servando, who’s done nothing wrong at all.” Once she starts, she can’t stop. She doesn’t know if it’s the drink that Kelley made her, Christen’s kind eyes, her own guilt or the sting at hearing about Kelley and Ann. All she knows is she voices so many thoughts she doesn’t even know she was thinking.

Christen doesn’t seem to be too surprised by what she says, instead she puts an arm around Alex and pulls her into a hug. “It’s okay, Alex, you have time to figure it out, okay?”

“Can you not… tell Kelley about this?” Alex asks,

“Kelley’s my friend, but you’re my friend too,” Christen says. “And that means you can talk to me about this.”

“Thanks, Christen,” Alex says, gripping onto her tightly, not realising how much she needed this hug until now.

“Alex?” It’s Kelley, because of course it is. She’s looking between her and Christen, before her eyes rest on her with a hint of concern that makes Alex melt a little. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Alex says, getting up. “Ready for bed?”

“Yeah, be warned, it’s a bit of a mess,” Kelley says, still clearly concerned.

“I’m not going to complain since my only other options are my car or your couch where some girl was being dry humped earlier,” Alex says, walking over to Kelley. “Bye Christen.”

“Goodnight you two,” Christen replies, watching them leave with a small smile.

-

Kelley leads Alex up to the highest room up in the attic, and Alex walks in and thinks it’s very Kelley. It’s got soccer gear strewn haphazardly across the floor and open books on the bed, and photos of Kelley with her friends and family stuck on the walls. Kelley clears up as much as she can, kicking some clothes away and moving the textbooks to the desk. 

“Do you want to take the bed then?” Kelley says, and frowns at the look on Alex’s face. “What? I changed the sheets yesterday I swear.”

“I just thought… we were going to share,” Alex says, kind of pouting.

“I mean, if you don’t mind sharing…” Kelley shrugs. Alex smiles, secretly proud she can get Kelley in bed with her in some sense of the phrase when Ann couldn’t.

“Could I borrow some clothes?” Alex asks. Kelley has a smirk on her face that Alex knows means she’s not going to like her choice. She’s proven right when Kelley hands her a Stanford soccer hoodie that’s a sickening Cardinal red. “I’m not wearing this.”

“Too bad, Morgan, it’s either this or sleeping in that dress,” Kelley says. Alex rolls her eyes and snatches it from her hands. Kelley respectfully turns away, changing into her well worn US soccer t-shirt and sleep shorts. She hears Alex tell her she’s ready, so she sneakily grabs her camera and turns to point it at her. “Smile, Al.”

“Fuck you,” Alex says, tilting her head with a sarcastic smile at the camera, holding up her hand half-heartedly. Kelley looks at the photo on the small camera screen and smiles. She can’t wait to get it developed. “That better not be seen by anyone else,” Alex says, coming up behind her to look at the camera over her shoulder. She rests her chin on Kelley’s shoulder.

Kelley freezes slightly and just takes a moment to take in how it feels to have Alex pressed up so close to her. “You have nothing to worry about, Al. You look pretty, especially so in Cardinal red.”

“You think I’m pretty?” Alex asks, and Kelley rolls her eyes and turns to look at her.

“Is that really what you’re going to focus on?” Kelley asks, and Alex shrugs with a smirk. “Yes, Alex. I think you’re pretty, and you know this since I’ve told you this about ten times tonight alone.”

“More like a hundred,” Alex corrects. Kelley rolls her eyes again. “Doesn’t hurt hearing it again though,” Alex says, playing with Kelley’s hair.

“It’s almost as if you don’t know that you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met,” Kelley murmurs, and Alex’s smirk fades into a soft smile.

“Kel…” Alex’s hand moves from her hair to cup her cheek.

“We should go to bed,” Kelley says, after staring at Alex’s lips for a moment too long. Alex drops her hand and nods. Kelley feels like it’s a missed moment.

-

They’re lying in bed together, staring at the ceiling and Alex is itching to ask the question that’s been on her mind for a while. So she does.

“Remember what Ali was saying… about your knack for bedding every girl on campus,” Alex says.

“Ali has a knack for exaggerating,” Kelley says.

“I’m just wondering,” Alex starts, and turns to look at her, and seeing the profile of her face in the glow of the moonlight makes her heart race a little. “Why didn’t you take Ann… up here…?”

Kelley’s silent which makes Alex want to take it back immediately. She feels like Kelley won’t answer and considers just rolling over and trying to sleep. After what feels like an eternity, Kelley says, “You know why.”

Alex has a feeling she does know. Alex takes Kelley’s hand and laces their fingers. Kelley lets her.

They leave it at that.

-

Kelley leaves for winter break and misses Alex before her plane even touches down in Atlanta. She turns her phone on when she gets in her dad’s car and is greeted with a message from Alex.

**Alex Morgan** : _ is it lame if i miss u already? _

**Kel: ** _ it totally would be if i didn’t miss u too. I’ll call when i get home okay? _

As much as she misses Stanford, her friends and Alex, she’s so excited to be reunited with her siblings. Erin gives her the biggest hug and Jerry even lets her ruffle his hair with barely any resistance. Her mom’s cooked her favourite meal and even made those cookies that she only bakes for ‘special’ occasions, and her dad spends the whole meal talking about how good she was playing this season, and then out of the blue brings up that freshman girl from Cal that they watched in the second round score that goal. Turns out her parents are almost as big of an Alex Morgan fan as her.

“You do know that Alex is one of my best friends?” She finally says, after Jerry comments about how hot Alex is, and she smacks him round the head. She knows she’s a little more annoyed than a protective _ friend _ should be.

“Wait… Alex Morgan is _ your _ Alex?” Erin asks, dropping her cookie.

“_Her _ Alex?” Her mum asks, raising an eyebrow at her. Kelley glares at Erin.

“Alex is my friend. We started hanging out after that match and she’s pretty cool, I didn’t realise our house would be the new Alex Morgan fan club when I came home though,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “I’m actually supposed to call her later actually, she’d love to hear about her new fans.”

-

It turns out Alex loves hearing about her new fans. A bit too much for Kelley’s liking.

“Your sister’s hot,” Alex says, after she thinks Erin’s left. Kelley’s grip on her phone tightens.

“Thanks, Alex,” Erin says, having heard. “I get that a lot.” Alex, to her credit, doesn’t look too embarrassed.

“I see the classic O’Hara modesty isn’t only limited to Kelley,” she quips back, and Erin laughs.

“It’s our best quality,” Erin says, before looking at her sister. “I like this one, Kelley. I hope you keep her.”

“I plan to, if you get out of here,” Kelley says, waving her away, and Erin obeys with a laugh.

“No need to be jealous, Kel,” she says, over her shoulder, and Kelley hopes Alex hasn’t heard. The smirk on her face lets her know that she definitely has.

“I’m not jealous,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. Neither of them are convinced.

“Don’t worry, Kel, you’re still the hottest O’Hara,” Alex says, and Kelley’s face feels her face heat up.

“It was nice of you to humour my family,” Kelley changes the subject, not wanting to draw too much attention to her blush.

“Well, it’s always nice to meet fans,” Alex teases, making Kelley laugh.

“They seem to be bigger fans of you than me,” Kelley complains half-heartedly. She manages to steer the conversation back to stuff she knows how to navigate without sweaty palms and an aching heart. “I mean, I get it, I was an Alex Morgan fan as soon as we met.”

“I was a Kelley O’Hara fan before we met,” Alex admits, and Kelley raises an eyebrow at this.

“Why is this the first time I’m hearing this? Spill the details, Morgan,” Kelley says, her interest very piqued right now.

“It’s not a big deal, so don’t make it one,” Alex says to her, before sighing. “Last year, my dad took me up to visit the Berkeley campus, just to get a feel of it, and then he took me to Santa Clara on the way home to watch a game. It was round two of the NCAA tournament, and it was against Stanford.”

Kelley smiles because she remembers the game clearly. She had scored her first two goals of the tournament in that game. “So, you saw me play?” Kelley says, with a very smug smile, that makes Alex roll her eyes.

“Yes, and I hate to admit it, but after your first goal I was kind of rooting for Stanford,” Alex says, making Kelley smile at her. “Then you scored again and I just remember thinking you were just so good, Kel, like effortlessly so, and I was so shocked to find out that you were only a year older than me.”

“Wow, so did you ask for an autograph then?” Kelley jokes, trying to ignore the feeling in her chest. Kelley never really searched for anyone’s approval while playing soccer but knowing Alex was so impressed by her before they had even met meant something to her.

“No way, even from the stands I could see your ego was way too big,” Alex says, and Kelley can’t help but laugh at this, which makes Alex laugh too.

“My ego is definitely bigger now I know I managed to convert Berkeley superstar Alex Morgan into a Cardinal fan,” Kelley says. “You even own a Kelley O’Hara jersey.”

“Because you gave me a Kelley O’Hara jersey as a Christmas present,” Alex protests, and Kelley shrugs, with a smirk. It had been ironic really, a gag gift, but the thought of seeing Alex wear _ her _number in the stands did all kinds of things to Kelley. In return, Alex had bought her a little Berkeley bear, who Alex had named before Kelley threatened to throw him into a fire.

“It’s something to remember me by, during the holidays,” Kelley finally says, and it’s more serious than she wants it to come across. Alex’s fake annoyed look fades into a soft smile, the kind that made Kelley feel all warm inside.

“Well, in that case, I’ll wear it when I miss you,” Alex says, and it doesn’t sound like she’s joking at all. Kelley can’t help but imagine it now, Alex in her jersey, and nothing else- okay, maybe Kelley had a thing for girls wearing her jersey.

“And maybe, in return, I could not set Bennett on fire?” Kelley proposes, and Alex gives her a knowing smile.

“You can pretend all you want to protect your street cred, Kel, but I know you’re going to cuddle the little guy every night.”

Maybe Bennett the Berkeley bear ends up taking residence in her bed every night that break, but Kelley will never admit it. Ever.

-

When Kelley finally returns to California for the new quarter, she finally takes Alex out on her first surfing lesson. Kelley picks her up from Berkeley and drives her to the beach where Alex changes into this bikini that makes it super hard for her to focus on anything else. She convinces Alex to get into her wet suit as quickly as she can, even though they probably weren’t going to go in the ocean any time soon.

“So, we’re just going to be popping up on our surfboards for the whole lesson?” Alex whines, and Kelley rolls her eyes.

“Don’t be such a baby,” Kelley says, “Were you thinking that you’d be ready to go and hang ten right away?”

“No, but I thought I’d at least touch the water,” Alex says, and Kelley’s eyes linger on her pout. Alex totally knew how to get her way.

“If you pick this up quickly we can go for a swim before we go,” Kelley says, sighing, and Alex smiles victoriously.

“I’ll pick this up in no time,” Alex says, “How hard can this be?”

-

Alex discovers that it’s much harder than it looks, and Kelley discovers Alex hates not being the best at something immediately. She’s more patient than Alex, which, if you asked anyone who’d met her, is saying something.

“How do you make it look so smooth?” Alex complains, sitting cross-legged on her board.

“Because I’ve been surfing for a year,” Kelley points out, and Alex groans.

“I just want to skip to the part where I’m good,” Alex says, and Kelley laughs.

“You’re so impatient,” Kelley says, before looking out into the water. The sun had come out a little bit and it was making the water look really inviting. “Come on.”

“What?”

“Try paddling, the water looks way too nice to not be in it,” Kelley says, shrugging, “And you’re kind of getting the hang of it.”

“Kind of?” Alex whines, pouting again, and Kelley laughs, wanting to kiss her more than anything. Maybe a plunge in the cold water would help with that.

“Come on, before it gets too busy.”

-

Kelley can’t help but laugh when Alex gets totally wiped out, but she jumps off her board to swim over to her, still concerned despite how hilarious it was. Alex bursts out the water, gasping for breath, and pushes her hair out of her face.

“You okay, kid?” She asks, as Alex tries to steady herself by holding onto her floating board.

“Yeah, fuck, I’m alright,” Alex says, breathing heavy.

“Your first wipeout, though, they grow up so fast,” Kelley says, sighing, and this makes Alex laugh. Kelley reaches out to push a piece of hair behind Alex’s ear, and Alex’s laughter dies down almost immediately. Kelley tucks it behind Alex’s ear, and then lets her hand drop down to rest on her shoulder. “How do you look this good after being hit by a giant wave?”

“I look like a mess, Kel,” Alex says, voice so quiet that Kelley is only able to hear her because their faces are so close.

“Alex, you look beautiful,” Kelley says softly, and it slips out really, without her meaning to. Alex’s breath hitches, and she bites her lip, and Kelley can’t help but stare at it. This feels like that moment after the scooter incident all over again, and there definitely wasn’t any boyfriends out here in the water to interrupt them.

Kelley should pull away, get back on her board and swim back before she does anything she regrets, but Alex is definitely leaning in. Kelley can’t pull away. She can’t.

Then the wave hits them. They’re swept away from each other, and resurface gasping for breath. Alex isn’t looking at her and all Kelley can do is laugh nervously. “We should head back.”

Alex nods.

They’ll add this to the growing list of things they should talk about but don’t.

-

It becomes their thing, every Sunday morning- Kelley goes to Berkeley and drives Alex to the beach and they surf together. Alex gives her gas money (despite protests on Kelley’s behalf), and insists on going to the diner near the beach they went to last time. It’s great, getting to have something to look forward to at the end of the week, and sometimes Ali or Tobin or Christen will join them. 

Christen gives them weird looks and sometimes when she gets back to the shore, because Alex gets tired before her usually, she’ll catch them talking in whispers and then abruptly stop when she comes over. Alex and Christen seem close, and she’s genuinely pleased when she hears they’ve started to do yoga together. However, she’s pretty sure they’re keeping something from her and although Christen usually cracks after a few suspicious looks from Kelley when she’s hiding something, she’s staying strong this time.

“So you and Christen are getting close, right?” Kelley asks, one day at their favourite diner. Alex gives her a long look before smiling slightly.

“Yeah, she’s good to vent to,” Alex shrugs.

“I’m good to vent to,” Kelley says, and Alex laughs, and leans over the table to poke her cheek. Kelley’s pout only grows, which only makes Alex laugh harder.

“Come on, Kel, you’re still my best friend,” Alex says, and Kelley’s pout fades into a smug smirk, that makes Alex roll her eyes. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I’m your best friend?” Kelley asks, her smirk only growing at Alex’s exasperated expression. “I mean, I know I’m a pretty good friend, but the best? That’s so sweet, Al.”

“I take it back, you’re the worst,” Alex huffs, stabbing into her salad.

“No take-backs, I’m your best friend forever now, no getting rid of me,” Kelley says, grabbing Alex’s hand and to her surprise, Alex lets her. 

“You’re such a loser,” Alex says, looking down at their hands. “Anyway, this is a bit out of the blue.”

“What is?” Kelley asks,

“I have a proposal for you,” Alex says, and Kelley’s worried about why Alex looks so uncharacteristically nervous.

“I’m just not looking to settle down yet, Alex, and I was really expecting some place better than this diner,” Kelley tries to lighten the mood, and it kind of works since Alex cracks a smile. “Come on, you’re worrying me.”

“Do you wanna go to Big Sur with me?” Alex blurts out in one go, and honestly it’s a lot of work trying to decipher it.

“Do I wanna go to Big Sur with you?” Kelley repeats, to check she’s heard right.

“It’s just an idea, before you leave for the break, you could stay an extra few days and we could take a road trip? I’ve always wanted to go, and I know you’ve always wanted to go on a proper road trip, and you don’t have to obviously, it’s just an idea, but it could be fun, and-”

“Al, stop,” Kelley interrupts, laughing. “Jesus, I’ve never seen you this nervous, and for such a dumb reason.”

“You don’t have to be so mean,” Alex mutters.

“No, it’s cute,” Kelley says, squeezing her hand, “I’d love to go with you, idiot.”

“Really?” Alex says, looking a little shocked in an endearing way.

“I’m kind of confused as to why you’d think I wouldn’t want to go on a road trip with you? You are one of my best friends after all,” Kelley says, smirking, “I have to say one of since Ali’s sensitive about these things, plus I have known Tobin since I was fourteen, but you’re still up there, which is impressive since I’ve only known you for a couple of months.”

“Alright, I’ll take it,” Alex says, smiling now, “I think Tobin’s up there too for me, I’m the reason she’s not failing all her classes and she’s the reason I’m getting better at soccer. Christen’s pretty cool too actually.”

“But I’m your number one?” Kelley asks, and Alex looks at her for a long moment, before biting her lip.

“Yes, Kel, somehow, you’re my number one,” Alex says, and Kelley's smile grows.

-

Alex is called up to the U20s and it doesn’t take long for her to feel at home with the team. Her and this other girl- Sydney- are both new and so stick together and realise that they actually make a good pair. They’re both forwards and Sydney is hilarious, intent on being her friend and even forces her to make up a new handshake with her, making this whole being new thing less daunting. The team takes it easy on both of them, being weirdly friendly with them and not teasing them as much as she expects. She’s pretty sure Kelley’s behind it, as much as she denies it, but she is the team captain and she knows Kelley is slightly protective of her.

It only takes one practice to really understand just how good Kelley is. She’s played against her and she’s watched her play, but it’s a completely different experience getting to play right next to her. She’s incredibly fast, but Alex gets to see how she’s faster than almost the entire team. Her only competition really is Alex or Tobin, which only seems to spur Kelley on to run faster. She also seems to never get tired. She thinks she could watch Kelley run the beep test for hours, and she doesn’t even feel embarrassed about how she’s stood, catching her breath, watching in awe as Kelley outruns everyone. She cheers right next to Tobin and when Kelley collapses ten levels above everyone, she’s there to hand Kelley a water bottle. She never knew she could find the beep test attractive.

The last thing she learns about Kelley is that she’s intense, which is understandable given that soccer is a sport that they’re playing to win, but Kelley’s on a whole other level. Alex is competitive, like one of the most competitive people ever, but Kelley’s intensity runs more than competition. In fact, it’s like she’s competing with herself, always wanting to be better and taking failure so personally that it hurt Alex to see her face whenever she didn’t execute something perfectly. She also held everyone else to those same standards, almost psychotic on the field, screaming at people to be better, and Alex would feel scared if Kelley wasn’t so damn soft with her.

If she messed up, she didn’t get the classic earful or a glare, instead Kelley would often just place a comforting hand on the small of Alex’s back, and say her name in this way that made Alex’s heart ache a little. Sometimes she wishes Kelley would just yell at her, because the way her heart races when Kelley touches her is really confusing and not needed right now. When she does something well, Kelley would again touch Alex’s back, but this time with pride shining in her eyes, and a half-smile, and simply say, “Good job, Alex.” Those three words alone makes Alex feel like she’s flying.

-

Alex and Kelley start their own tradition. Every day, they wake up and explore the city they’re in and try to find a new coffee shop. They drink their coffee and (try to) solve crosswords. It’s so early that the coffee shop is quiet and the only sounds are of people having quiet conversations and the steam of the machines. They sit in a comfortable silence until the coffee starts to kick in, and they stay until the shop is somewhat busy. When they’re finished, they get a coffee to go for Tobin, who really wasn’t a morning person, and walk back to the hotel. More often than not, they would end up at the hotel holding hands without either of them realising. They would stop as soon as Tobin came to greet them, who was too focused on the coffee to pick up on the hand-holding. Or so she thought.

On the last day of camp, Alex hands Tobin her coffee before going back to her hotel room to get her phone. Tobin gulps down her coffee as Kelley watches Alex go.

“I’ll miss the free coffee but I won’t miss you two trying to pretend you’re not gay for each other,” Tobin suddenly says, also watching Alex leave.

Kelley turns to look at her in shock. Out of all her friends, Tobin had never said anything about her poorly hidden crush. “How did you…”

“Just because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean I’m blind,” Tobin says, before glancing at Kelley. “She’s been with Serv for a long time.”

“I know,” Kelley says, looking at the floor.

“But… she doesn’t act like a girl with a boyfriend when she’s around you,” Tobin points out, and Kelley doesn't know what to say to that. “Just be careful, you’re both my best friends, and I don’t want either of you to get hurt.”

Right then and there, Kelley is filled with a rush of appreciation for Tobin and her quiet support. “Thanks, Tobs,” she says, and it’s all she needs to say when it comes to her and Tobin for her to understand what it means. Tobin nods.

-

They go to their first senior national team camp together, her, Alex and Tobin. Thankfully, they’re not the only college players there, but they are the newest and youngest. She and Tobin knew Amy Rodriguez and Lauren Cheney from the youth teams, and they were called up last year so were overjoyed to find out that they were no longer the newbies. It was just a camp where they were looking at potential players, nothing concrete really, but when she’s walking out of the tunnel for practice next to the likes of Heather O’Reilly and Abby Wambach, she realises how close she is to achieving her dreams. 

She’s roomed together with Hope Solo, who honestly scares her, like a lot. She doesn’t know just yet how important this woman will be to her journey, for now she’s just the scary veteran that scares Kelley by just existing near her.

“Stop looking so scared, newbie,” Hope says to her on her first night, not looking away from the book she was reading.

Kelley jumps, not expecting Hope to actually speak to her. She places a hand on her heart to try and calm it down, “I’m not scared.” Hope gives her a look in lieu of replying, and Kelley sighs. “Okay, but can you blame me? This is all scary and so are you.” 

Hope stares at her and Kelley wants the ground to swallow her. Then, Hope actually smiles, it’s small but it’s a real smile. Kelley feels like she’s won a trophy. 

“Good, it’s working then,” Hope says, before looking at the time. “Aren’t you going to go visit your girlfriend before bed?”

“My girlfriend?” Kelley asks, frowning.

“The girl that you were with at lunch? The one who was all over you?” Hope clarifies.

“Alex?” Kelley asks, even though she knew Hope knew her name. She laughs nervously, “She is _ not _ my girlfriend.”

“Really?” Hope asks, putting her book down, and it was weird to see her look shocked, or show any emotion, really.

“Yes, she’s just my friend, and she has a boyfriend,” Kelley says.

Hope nods, “So you’re both into each other but too scared to say anything?”

“Is your hearing getting worse from old age?” Kelley teases, rolling her eyes.

“I’ve seen this a million times, kid,” Hope says, ignoring her jab. “I’m just saying, I’d bet money on it.”

There’s a knock on the door, and she knows Hope isn’t going to get it, so she goes to answer it. She throws it open to reveal Alex and Tobin standing in their pyjamas.

“Come on, we need a picture,” Alex says, smiling, “I know you brought your camera.”

“She’s not going to let this go, Kel,” Tobin says, shrugging.

“Come in then, Hope will take it,” Kelley says, opening the door further. Alex's smile drops and her face goes white.

“Hope Solo?” Alex says, taking a step back, and Kelley laughs, despite the fact that that’s how she was acting a few minutes ago.

“It’s just an act, she’s actually pretty cool,” Kelley reassures her, pulling her in by the hand, and Alex lets herself be dragged into the room. Hope looks over her book at Alex and then down to their joined hands, and then back at Kelley with a raised eyebrow.

Kelley drops Alex’s hand immediately, rushing to speak, “Can you take a picture of us?” 

Hope sighs and puts down her book again, “Give me the camera then before I change my mind.”

Kelley rolls her eyes, and rummages through her bag to find her camera and throws it over to Hope. They arrange themselves in the order of Alex, Kelley and then Tobin. Kelley hooks an arm around Alex’s waist and the other around Tobin’s shoulders. Alex rests her elbow on Kelley’s shoulder and leans her head in close, and Tobin throws up the surf sign.

Hope looks at the three of them for a moment with an unreadable expression before lifting the camera up. She doesn’t have to tell them to smile, they’re just that happy. She takes a few pictures before handing back the camera to Kelley. She looks through them and smiles at their matching wide grins- it’s cute and she’ll probably put this up on her wall as soon as she can get it developed.

“Well, Alex, you happy with them?” Tobin asks, nudging Alex, who’s looking over Kelley’s shoulder.

“Yes, Tobin, you can go to sleep now, but you’ll thank me one day,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. She’s telling the truth, years from now they’ll look back on this photo to remind them of a time when they were just the new kids and had no other real responsibilities, when their biggest concern would be about trying to make friends, and trying to prove themselves to mostly themselves rather than the public and critics. They’ll come to miss it. 

“Goodnight then, dudes,” Tobin says, before leaving. Classic Tobin.

“Before you know it, you’ll be old and ready to scare the newbies,” Hope says, having returned to her book. “It’ll go by pretty quickly, so make the most of it.”

Alex looks surprised Hope even addressed her, but smiles, “Thanks, Hope.” Hope nods. Alex looks at Kelley then, and Kelley knows she’s about to say something heavy. “Walk me out?”

“Of course, my lady,” Kelley says, holding out her elbow and Alex rolls her eyes. She takes Kelley’s arm anyway and lets her escort her out. Kelley closes the door behind them so they can have some privacy and she can be free (somewhat) from Hope’s judgement.

Alex doesn’t say anything, just looks down at the floor.

“Everything okay, bud?” Kelley asks.

Alex surges forward and throws her arms around Kelley’s neck. She balls her fists in the material of Kelley’s sweatshirt and Kelley gently wraps her arms around Alex’s waist. Alex holds onto Kelley like she’s going to disappear. 

“I’m glad I get to do this with you,” Alex murmurs. Kelley has a feeling she’s talking about more than the camp.

“There’s no one else I’d rather do this with,” Kelley replies, and they stay like that for another moment before Alex pulls away.

“I should go,” Alex says, and Kelley nods, not trusting herself to say anymore. “Night, Kel.”

She watches Alex return to her room before turning and entering her own. She closes the door behind her and leans against it. She can feel Hope watching her.

“Shut up,” Kelley says, and the corners of Hope’s lips quirk up but she doesn’t say a word

-

“Hey, who keeps texting you?” Alex asks, as Kelley doesn’t reply to another thing she says.

“It’s probably Ann again,” Ali says, and Alex hates how her heart drops at that. Kelley puts her phone down and looks back up at them.

“We’re just friends,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes.

“Sure, that’s why you won’t stop smiling at your phone?” Kristin says, raising an eyebrow. It was their first beach day for them since being back from the Four Nations Tournament in Chile but this time they were joined by the usual gang plus a few of Kelley’s teammates. It was confusing at first since there was a Christen, and a Kristin, and then an Alex, an Ali, an Allison, and an Alicia. Luckily, there was only one Kelley. Unfortunately, her emotional support, Christen, is out in the water with Tobin and isn’t here to send her sympathetic looks, so Alex is alone.

“Why don’t you invite her to the beach? She’ll be in a bikini and you can put on your moves,” Ali says, in a suggestive voice that makes everyone (except Alex) laugh. The thought of Kelley trying to seduce Ann in the water made Alex feel a little sick, especially since she thought of the beach as kind of her and Kelley’s place now, especially after that almost kiss incident.

“I keep hearing about these moves, I’m yet to see them in action,” Alex says. Kelley gives Ali a look that Ali clearly reads as ‘Keep your mouth shut’.

“Kel’s got game,” Allison says, “I’ve seen her seduce like a million girl last year to know that.”

“A million is a bit of an exaggeration-”

“Barely,” Kristin says, and Alex can’t bear to hear this, but she knows she has no right to complain. She has a boyfriend, who’s sweet and loves her a lot, and she loved him, she had for the last three years, but of course Kelley had to come and fuck everything up with that jawline, and those eyes, and those abs.

“I haven’t seen you seduce a girl in a while, Kel,” Ali points out, and it’s said nonchalantly but Kelley sees right through it, and glares at Ali. Alex, on the other hand, felt a rush of relief at the words.

“I’ve been busy,” Kelley says, shrugging.

“With Ann?” Alicia says,

“Ann’s just-”

“A friend, yes, you keep saying, but she’s exactly your type,” Ali argues, and this piques Alex’s interest.

“What’s her type?” She asks, and everyone turns to look at her. She blushes when she sees Ali’s smirk and Kelley’s raised eyebrows.

“You don’t know? It’s so obvious,” Ali says, looking like she’s trying not to laugh. Alex can tell she’s going to regret having asked.

“Shut up, Ali,” Kelley mutters.

“Tall brunettes with blue eyes,” Allison answers.

“Oh.” Alex doesn’t know how to react to that, but she does have to bite her lip to hide her smile. Kelley’s avoiding her eyes, and Ali’s smirking.

“I’m going to go swim,” Kelley says, jumping up and practically running away. Alex watches Kelley with a soft smile, and Ali watches her with an amused one.

-

“What’s your type?” Kelley asks her, over Skype that night, while Alex tries to finish her notes.

“What?” Alex says, looking up from her book to look at Kelley, who’s laying on the bed and chewing her pen thoughtfully. “Is this about this morning?”

“Well, I’m just curious,” Kelley says, shrugging. Alex puts her book down next to her and looks at Kelley with an amused smile. “So, spill Morgan, what’s your type?”

“Hot,” Alex replies. Kelley raises an eyebrow. “I also have a thing for brunettes, athletic ones, especially.”

“Really?” Kelley asks.

“Yep, especially if they have nice abs,” Alex says, and she knows she toeing the line, the line that she and Kelley get very close to crossing but absolutely shouldn’t, but she doesn’t care. Kelley looks taken aback, but does that infuriating half-smile, the one that Alex totally loves, and she’s sure has charmed a lot of women.

“Is that right?” Kelley says, “Hot, athletic brunette men with nice abs?”

“Did I specify men, Kel?” Alex asks, and Kelley falters, and Alex grins at making Kelley speechless for once.

-

“So what’s the deal with Kelley and Ann?” Alex asks, finally building up the courage to ask Christen and Ali while Kelley and Tobin are surfing. Ali and Christen exchange amused looks. “I’m just curious because they were texting so much during camp but Kelley refused to say anything about it.”

“Just curious my ass,” Ali says, making Christen laugh and Alex shove her.

“Kelley’s been keeping it pretty hush-hush with us too,” Christen says, and this doesn’t reassure Alex at all.

“Ann and I have a class together and she’s been less secretive,” Ali says, leaning in conspiratively. “She really likes Kelley.”

“We all knew that,” Alex says, “Does Kelley like her?”

“I thought she did at the start of the year, like I said, Ann’s exactly her type,” Ali says,

“What? Tall, blue-eyed brunettes?” Christen asks, and they look at Alex with a smirk.

“Did everyone know about Kelley’s type but me?” Alex asks, not letting them tease her.

“Yes, because I’ve seen plenty of Kelley’s hookups,” Ali says, and narrows her eyes at how Alex’s jaw clenches. “You keep making that face every time anyone mentions Kelley with any other girl.”

“What face?” Alex says, and it’s unconvincing to everyone including her.

“You know she hasn’t had a hook up since she’s met you, which is the longest that’s ever happened since I’ve known her,” Ali says, and Alex lets out a breath she doesn’t know she was holding. “Whereas you’ve still been with your boyfriend.”

“Ali,” Christen warns, as Alex looks down.

“No, she’s right, Chris,” Alex says, sighing. “I wish I knew what to do. Serv hasn’t done anything wrong and I have loved him for three years without any issues. I guess I don't know if what I feel for Kelley is just this short term thing. Also we’re teammates now, there's a lot riding on this.”

Ali looks at her for a long moment before smiling, “I’m rooting for you, kid.”

“Why does everyone call me that?”

-

Alex decides to just ask Kelley herself later when they’re on the phone. She thinks she’s feeling braver since she doesn’t have to see Kelley’s face.

“What’s going on with you?” Kelley asks, “You’ve been quiet.”

“I was just wondering what was going on with you and Ann?” Alex blurts out, and she doesn’t mean to, and Kelley goes quiet which makes Alex regret saying anything.

“What do you mean?” Kelley finally says, waiting long enough for Alex to contemplate hanging up and moving to a different country.

“I mean, you two seem to be talking a lot, is there something there?” Alex asks, as nonchalantly as she can. “I’m just curious, you know, as your friend.”

“Just friends?” Kelley asks, and Alex doesn’t know what to say to that. 

“Yes. What else would we be? I have a boyfriend,” Alex replies, with a nervous laugh. 

“I meant I thought we were best friends,” Kelley says, after a pause, and Alex feels like an idiot.

“Oh.”

“I haven’t forgotten about your boyfriend, don’t worry,” Kelley says, sounding a little annoyed. 

“Kel,” Alex sighs, “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand why you sound so defensive,” Kelley says, not in the mood to let it go. “I know people tease us but they’re not being serious, I hope you know that.”

“Of cours-“

“Because we all know that you have a boyfriend, even if you don’t act like it,” Kelley says, and Alex is speechless. Neither of them had ever crossed the line before and addressed their behaviour. “Look, why don’t you focus on your boyfriend instead of me and Ann. Because, you asking me this? It isn’t fair, Alex.”

Alex is taken aback, but nods even though Kelley can’t see her. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I should go.” Alex hangs up before throwing her phone on her bed. How did that go so downhill? She guesses that it’s because they never talked about it, letting it build up instead for months. This was their first fight and the first time Alex has ever heard Kelley upset. “Fuck.”

-

An hour later, Alex gets a message.

**Kel: ** _ I’m sorry, can I blame PMS? _

**Alex Morgan:** _no worries, I shouldn’t have pushed_

**Kel: ** _ no come on, you should have because you’re my best friend and you’re going to be curious _

**Alex Morgan:** _seriously, Kel, it’s fine_

**Kel: ** _ Al, it’s not fine I was a bitch _

**Alex Morgan: ** _ you didn’t say anything untrue _

It’s the closest she’s come to talking about _ it _ with Kelley. She sighs when her phone starts ringing. She takes a deep breath before picking up. 

“Kelley seriously, it’s fine.”

“It’s not, I’m really sorry, and I’m going to make it up to you,” Kelley says, and Alex sighs. 

“Kel, that’s really not necessary.”

“Too bad, I’m outside.” Of course, she is. Alex can’t help the smile on her face as she goes to open the door.

“Hi,” Kelley says, phone still at her ear, with that dumb half-smile. 

“Hi, I’m going to hang up now,” Alex says, smile only growing at the sight of her. 

“Good idea,” Kelley says, pocketing her phone. 

“What are you wearing?” Alex laughs, and Kelley looks down at the number 13 Cal jersey she has on. 

“I’m showing that my love for you is stronger than my hate for Cal, which is saying something,” Kelley says, shrugging. Alex knows she doesn’t mean love like _ that _, but it makes her heart race a little nonetheless.

“Clearly,” Alex says, and it’s silent between them.

“Look, I didn’t know your favourite flowers but I was kind of a dick, and I’m sorry, Al. I just don’t want to fight,” Kelley says, looking more serious than Alex has ever seen her.

“Lilies,” Alex says, amused smile on her face.

“Lilies,” Kelley repeats, and she nods, “I’ll remember next time.”

“You better,” Alex says, before walking forward and throwing her arms around her neck. Kelley seems to melt into it, tension leaving her, and hugs her back.

“I didn’t like fighting with you,” Kelley says,

“It’s been barely an hour, Kel,” Alex reminds her, even though she knows how horrible it was.

“Longest hour of my life,” Kelley says, laughing. She pulls away but Alex keeps her arms around Kelley’s neck. “Ann really likes me.”

“Well, duh, we all know that,” Alex says, trying to sound light but she hates how fake it comes across. “How do you feel?”

“I want to like her,” Kelley admits, and she really means it, Alex can tell. “It would be so much easier if I did, right?”

Alex nods. It would be easier for Kelley if she liked Ann, it would kill Alex, but it would be easier for Kelley. 

“I’m going to like her,” Kelley says, nodding resolutely, as if she was going to will herself into liking her. “She’s nice, and totally my type.”

“Tall, blue-eyed brunettes,” Alex recites quietly, and Kelley looks at her and bites her lip. 

“Yes.”

Alex swallows hard. They’re still refusing to point out the obvious. 

“And I’m going to be happy with Servando,” Alex says. 

“And we’re going to best friends on the U20s, rivals at college then best friends on the National Team and it’s going to be uncomplicated,” Kelley says. This tells Alex that Kelley feels the exact same way as her, that she knows how complicated this all could get if they get together, how it could jeopardize everything they have worked so hard towards. It doesn’t make this any easier though, being on the same page.

“You don’t have to talk to me about Ann,” Alex says, playing with Kelley’s hair.

“That’s what friends are supposed to do, right?” Kelley says, trying to smile. “I can’t bear to hear about him, though. Not now at least.”

“I can’t bear to hear about her,” Alex admits, and she wonders why this feels so much like the end of something, especially since they never started. “You’re too important for me to lose, Kel, I know we haven’t really known each other that long, but it’s the truth.”

“You won’t lose me,” Kelley says, resting her hands on Alex’s hips and squeezing. It’s the most sure she’s sounded all conversation.

“Do you actually want to come in?” Alex asks, realising they were still standing out here. Kelley laughs and nods.

Kelley ends up turning up to class the next day in one of Alex’s shirts, knowing that if she turned up in a Cal shirt, she probably wouldn't walk back out alive. It’s really hard to focus on Chemistry when she smells like Alex.

-

Alex is at another party in Stanford, again at Kelley’s sorority house, but this time Servando is with her. It was Kelley’s idea that she brings him so she can get used to seeing them together. Ali thinks it’s a bit weird how cordial and mature they’re being about the whole thing, and she’s waiting for one of them to crack. Christen prays that neither of them do crack at this party especially since she’s attempting to find someone new to move on from Tobin. Tobin just wants to go home.

Alex is expecting to see Ann but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. She plays the part of the supportive best friend, she teases them, she doesn’t steal Kelley away as much as she wants to and she plasters on a smile when she sees Ann touch her. Everyone sees through it except Ann and Servando. Kelley, in return, makes an effort to include Servando, going as far as playing a game of beer pong with him on her team. Kelley has an ability to charm anyone and by the end of it, he’s thoroughly charmed and thinks she’s like the coolest person ever. Alex sees Kelley’s jaw clench every time he goes to kiss her though, but apart from that, her face gives nothing away.

She’s dancing with Servando when she decides to top up her drink. She’s congratulating herself for going nearly an hour without wanting to throw up at the sight of Ann and Kelley- because she hasn’t seen them for that long, probably- when she walks into the kitchen. She freezes at the sight in front of her: Kelley pressing Ann against the counter while kissing her, hands on her waist while Ann’s were tangled in Kelley’s hair.

She can’t help the gasp that escapes her mouth and her grip on the beer bottle Servando had handed to her to throw away slips. It crashes on the ground dramatically, making Kelley jump away from Ann immediately and turn to look at the source of the sound. When she notices Alex standing, gaping at them, she has the decency to look embarrassed. Ann looks at Alex with this dazed expression, and it makes her feel sick. Alex can tell Kelley’s trying to think of something to say and she really doesn’t want to hear it, so she turns on her heel and gets out of there quickly before she does or says something stupid.

“Alex, wait,” she hears Kelley call after her, but it just makes her speed up.

She wasn’t expecting it to hurt this much. She knows that they’ve kissed, but seeing it in person was another experience entirely, and it’s a pain she really wasn’t expecting. She can’t get the image out of her head, and it makes her feel sick. She pushes past the people and runs outside to where there were a few people, but no one pays attention to her, thankfully.

She collapses onto the bench outside, trying to breathe normally. She knows she doesn’t have much time to gather herself before she’s found, and she’s kind of surprised she’s not crying. In fact, she just feels kind of numb, but also in the most pain at the same time.

“Everyone inside,” she hears and it's a relief when it’s Ali’s voice and not Kelley’s. She really doesn’t need to see her right now or the lipstick smeared around her lips. Ali’s serious enough that everyone listens immediately and flock inside. Ali comes and sits next to her. She doesn’t say anything, just wraps her arms around the crumpled heap that Alex currently is.

That sets her off. She cries in Ali’s arms, while Ali tries to soothe her. This is a new low for her, she doesn’t even really know why she’s crying. Probably the alcohol. She tells Ali as much, but she’s not very convincing. 

“I told her not to bother us, so take your time,” Ali whispers, and she’s so grateful for her. 

“I thought you didn’t like me,” Alex sniffs and Ali lets out a laugh. 

“Don’t be dumb, I just didnt want to see either of you getting hurt,” Ali says, combing her fingers through Alex’s hair. “Didn’t work, clearly.”

“Hurts so much,” Alex manages to say, and Ali sighs before pressing a kiss in her hair. 

“I know it does, honey,” Ali says, and it’s not condescending when she says it, it’s just comforting, that Ali understands, but even she couldn’t imagine the pain. 

Ali holds her until Alex calms down completely. She pulls away eventually and wipes her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“You will be,” Ali corrects, kind smile making Alex kind of want to cry again. “But not tonight, you need to go home.”

“Yeah you’re right,” Alex sighs before taking Ali’s hand. “Thank you for that.”

“Always,” Ali says, squeezing her hand, and the way she says it makes Alex actually believe her. “Now take a few breaths, I’ll get Servando to come and take you home.”

Alex nods and Ali squeezes her hand again before leaving. She stands and takes a few deep breaths. She hears the door open again and expects Servando, but when she turns around she’s not even that surprised to see Kelley. She thinks this is the first time she’s not happy to see her. 

Kelley looks unsure, as if she’s contemplating between coming closer and bolting. Alex wishes she’d choose the latter. She doesn’t. Alex clenches her fist as Kelley steps closer. She wants to tell her to go away but she’s beginning to realise that she doesn’t have that power.

“Hurts doesn’t it?” Kelley says, and Alex looks at her incredulously.

“Are you for real?” Alex says slowly, her pain quickly turning into rage. Kelley looks like she’s about to back-track but Alex doesn’t let her. “Yes, it fucking hurts. Is that what you want to hear? That it’s killing me? Are you happy now?”

Kelley says nothing.

“I get it. It’s not fair because I have a boyfriend, but are you actually happy I’m hurt?”

“Of course not,” Kelley finally says, closing the gap between them and taking her hands. “How can you ask me that? I never wanted you to see that.”

Alex shakes her hands out of Kelley’s, and she tries to pretend she doesn’t see how Kelley’s face falls. “I can’t do this, I thought I could, but I can’t.”

“Do what?”

“Be your friend, not when it feels like this seeing you with her,” Alex says.

“Alex, you can’t say that. You’re my best friend,” Kelley says, shaking her head once it starts sinking in that Alex is being serious.

“Is that all I am to you?” Alex asks, and Kelley’s mouth opens but then closes.

“You can’t ask me that,” She says. Alex is ruining the illusion now, the one they’ve built over six months. 

“I am. I need to hear it, Kelley,” Alex says, feeling so tired of dancing around their feelings for so long.

“No, it’s not fair, because no matter what I say, you can’t say anything more than saying I’m just your friend because you have a boyfriend.”

“I like you, Kelley. I like you way more than a best friend. I think about kissing you all the time, and it’s driving me crazy because I shouldn’t be, but it’s the truth. I’ve wanted to kiss you for the last six months.”

Kelley gapes at her. Neither of them can believe she said that. She shouldn’t have said that. She thinks it’s because she found it ludicrous that Kelley didn’t know how she felt about her by now. It’s not like they were exactly subtle. However, that doesn't change the fact that she really shouldn’t have said it. She waits for Kelley's response but she stays silent. It feels a lot like rejection.

They hear the door opening. It’s Ali and Servando. She doesn’t know if she’s glad they’re here or if she wants to cry. Ali looks between them worriedly while Servando gives Kelley a smile, clearly not picking up on the tension. 

“Hey, your girlfriend’s looking for you O’Hara,” he says, clearly teasing her but he could not have chosen a worse joke. He can tell it falls flat by the look on Kelley’s grimace and Alex’s frown. “You alright babe?”

“Can you take me home?” She asks, crossing her arms around herself as if to shield herself from the whole situation. 

“Yeah of course,” he says, looking concerned. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Servando frowns at her, but doesn’t comment. “Thanks for inviting me, guys.”

“Any time, Serv,” Ali answers, since Kelley clearly wasn’t in the mood to talk. She walks over to Alex and gives her a hug. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Thanks Ali,” Alex says, feeling comforted despite everything. She turns to Kelley, knowing it would be weird if she left without saying anything. “Take care, Kelley.”

“You too, Alex,” Kelley says, and she nods. She leaves after that before she does something dumb like hug her. She passes by Ann on the way out, who’s looking around for Kelley presumably, with her lipstick still smudged. Her grip on Servando’s hand tightens and she practically drags him out of the door before Ann sees her. 

-

It’s weird to go from talking to someone everyday to silence. She misses Kelley unbelievably. She misses the late night phone calls where they talk about everything and absolutely nothing, where she spends most of the call imagining what the expression on Kelley’s face is or if Kelley’s laughing with her head thrown back. She misses the texts she gets at random times during the day which ask her how her day’s going, or if her presentation went okay, or of a dumb joke, or just a simple ‘you got this, superstar’. She misses the Skype calls where they’d do work together in a comfortable silence until one of them (usually Kelley) distracts the other, and which ends with one of them falling asleep accidentally. Sometimes she’ll wake up to the sounds of Kelley’s soft breaths as she sleeps the next morning, both of them haven fallen asleep before they could hang up.

She misses their meetups during the week, once or twice, at new coffee shops in Stanford and Berkeley, where they’d fight over who paid until they decided that whoever drove over shouldn’t pay. She misses hearing Kelley’s laugh in person and seeing that half-smile of hers, and wanting to lean over the table and kiss her. She especially misses their beach dates, where Kelley is infinitely better at her at swimming and surfing but still tries to hang back to check on Alex. She definitely misses the flex of her muscles and her abs, but she also misses hanging out with Kelley’s friends. She just misses being Kelley’s friend and everything that came with it.

It’s only been two weeks and it’s killing her.

-

Kelley goes surfing alone on Sunday and sitting out on the ocean on her surfboard gives her time to think. She’s been thinking since the party, about everything that’s happened over the past six months and of what Alex said before she left. It’s been spinning around her head for the past two weeks. Alex liked her, more than a friend, and she should be ecstatic but it didn’t feel right. She misses Alex every day but she knew she wanted space so didn’t want to reach out first.

She squints out at the beach at the sight of two people approaching the sea with familiar looking surfboards. She sighs, of course they were here. She sits and lets them swim over to her. “What is this? An intervention?” She jokes, when Tobin and Ali finally reach her.

“Kind of, yes,” Ali says, “You’ve been sulking for the past two weeks and I’m sick of it.”

“I have not,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “And why are you here?” 

“You and Alex are my best friends, I need you two to make up,” Tobin says, shrugging.

“What happened at the party, Kelley?” Ali asks, and that question takes her back to that night. She was drunk and tired of seeing Alex and Servando. Ann had wanted another drink so she went with her to refill it, not wanting to see Alex dancing with him for any longer. They spent a while in the kitchen talking before Ann kissed her again. This time Kelley kissed her back, and then she heard the bottle smashing and turned to see Alex staring at them with this look on her face that just made her feel regret.

“Well you know she saw me kiss Ann,” Kelley says, trying to shake the image of Alex’s expression but it had been haunting her for the past two weeks.

“Yeah, but what happened afterwards?”

“She told me she liked me,” Kelley admits, not being able to look at either of them.

“Wait what?” Tobin asks, regaining the ability to speak after a moment of gaping at Kelley.

“What did she say when you told her you liked her too?” Ali asks, leaning forward on her board.

Kelley hesitates, before sighing. “I didn’t tell her.”

“What?” Tobin shouts, and Ali and Kelley both jump, never having heard Tobin’s go above a quiet drawl outside of a soccer pitch. “You didn’t tell her? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t get a chance to before Ali and Servando came back,” Kelley argues.

“What about the past two weeks?” Ali says, and Kelley shrugs.

“I thought she needed space,” Kelley says, but it’s a weak argument, the truth is she was scared and they all knew it.

“You’re an idiot.” Classic Ali.

“Seriously, Kel. You need to tell her, it’s kind of a dick move to just leave her hanging.”

“She already knows how I feel.”

“Kelley, don’t be a coward, it doesn’t suit you,” Tobin says.

Kelley’s silent, knowing they were right. She knows what she has to do.

-

Two days later, Alex gets a delivery of lilies. She puts the lilies down and takes the card out.

_ To the prettiest girl I know, I like you too. I’m sorry it took me so long to say, I just assumed that you knew how I felt because I’ve liked you ever since I slide tackled you all those months ago. - K _

Alex rereads the note over and over until she knows the words off by heart. She pulls out her phone and thinks of what to say.

**Alex Morgan: ** _ you remembered _

**Kel: ** _ i said i would didn’t i _

**Alex Morgan: ** _ thank you, they’re beautiful Kel _

**Kel** : _ Don’t thank me, it’s an apology present _

**Alex Morgan** : _ you know you can just apologise using words, you don’t have to do a big gesture _

**Kel** : _ wish u told me that before I spent money on getting you flowers _

Alex laughs before calling Kelley. She picks up before it even rings.

“This has been torture not talking to you,” Kelley says, before Alex can say anything. “I could barely stand an hour.”

“I’m the prettiest girl you know, huh?” Alex asks, and Kelley laughs.

“And we’re back to this?” Kelley replies, “Alex, we’ve had this conversation.”

“It’s in writing now, you can’t take it back.”

“I wasn’t planning on doing that any time soon.”

“Kelley, do you really mean it?” Alex asks, and her voice sounds more vulnerable than she means it to. Kelley can tell that she’s not just talking about Kelley thinking she’s pretty.

“Of course, I do, Alex.” Kelley says, and she hears Alex sigh. “Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t want to lose you, Kel.”

“I don't want to lose you either, but clearly there’s something here.”

“If we do this, we need to be sure. If it goes wrong it could fuck up so many things. I can’t lose you, Kel. It’s also the fact that we’re teammates now. I don’t want it to affect our dynamic on the national team because we’re good together.”

“I know,” Kelley says, “How do we figure out if we’re sure?”

“We’re going to Big Sur soon. It’s going to be just us for three days. We’ll figure it out.” Alex sounds so sure that it’s hard for Kelley not to believe her. “If we’re not sure then we’ll move on somehow, but if it does work out then…”

“Then we’ll be really happy,” Kelley says, her voice so soft it makes Alex feel hopeful for the first time since the party.

-

It’s actually when she’s driving to Big Sur that Kelley realises it. Alex had fallen asleep as the sun had just begun to set, casting a pink glow on her face and Kelley’s having a hard time focusing on the road. She looks so peaceful when she’s asleep that Kelley tries to drive as carefully as she can to avoid waking her up. The moment’s perfect, something she wishes she could freeze and live in forever. 

That’s when it hits her.

She’s in love with her.

-

Big Sur is everything she could have expected but better. Spending time with Alex alone for that long after her realisation is a little overwhelming at times but in a good way that makes Kelley feel all warm and content. It’s on the morning of their final day that it happens.

They decide to go surfing before they head off, and Alex has really gotten better over the course of the past few months. However, neither she nor Kelley can handle the unexpectedly huge wave that comes crashing over them and knocks them both off their boards. Kelley emerges from the water, gasping for air, while looking around for Alex. Alex surfaces a few moments later and Kelley swims over to her.

“Are you okay?” Kelley asks, pushing Alex’s hair out of her face, and it’s all too familiar to her, and by the look on Alex’s face, it’s clearly dawning on her too. She cups Alex’s cheek and brushes her thumb over Alex’s lower lip, which causes her mouth to open slightly. She looks just as beautiful.

“Kel…” Alex whispers, and it’s almost like a plea. She doesn’t know who makes the first move, but one second they’re staring at each other and the next they’re kissing. They’re actually kissing. Kelley can’t believe that it’s finally happening but they’re kissing, and her fingers tangle themselves into Alex’s hair and she uses it to tilt the angle of the kiss. Alex’s hands find themselves on Kelley’s biceps, squeezing as she deepens the kiss. The rush she feels is the same as the rush she feels whenever she scores a goal but a hundred times better. It’s better than anything she could have imagined, but she doesn’t do this.

It takes every bit of Kelley’s self-control to pull away, and they’re both left staring at each other, breathing heavily. Kelley shakes her head, “Not like this. You have a boyfriend. This was a mistake.”

“Don’t say that. It wasn’t a mistake,” Alex says, sounding unsure, and it makes Kelley’s heart ache.

“You need to be sure, Alex. About us,” Kelley says, trying to sound level-headed when all she wanted to do was kiss her again. “Take some time, this time apart will be good for that.”

“You’re right,” Alex says, nodding. “The break will be good for us to just figure it out without… getting carried away.”

“We should get going,” Kelley says, needing to get out of the whole situation before she does something to make it worse.

She really hopes that this doesn't become something they never talk about again.

\- 

Alex has gone to buy a souvenir, so Kelley had agreed to go get the car. It’s only when she reaches her car that Kelley looks at her phone. She sees three missed calls from Tobin, which was strange because she rarely texted let alone called. Before she can even call her back, an unknown number flashes up on her screen. She answers quickly.

“Hello?” She says, slowly, unsure why her heart is beating so fast.

“Kelley O’Hara?” The voice says, and it’s familiar.

“Yes.”

“It’s Tony DiCicco, I’m calling to talk about the U20s World Cup roster.”

-

Alex is walking towards the car when Kelley sees her answer her phone. Kelley can’t help but smile at how Alex freezes mid-step. Alex’s jaw drops and it looks like she’s having a hard time speaking, but the smile on her face is unmistakable. She hangs up and practically sprints over to Kelley’s car and throws the door open.

“Did you…?” Alex asks, and Kelley laughs.

“We’re going to Chile!”

For a moment, it’s like they can forget everything that had happened before it dawns on both of them that they were going to be spending more time with each other than before.

So much for that space.

-

They have to go to camp in preparation for the CONCACAF championship. It’s difficult to see Alex and not kiss her, especially since she knows what it feels like now. It was torture. Every time Alex smiles or laughs or looks over at Kelley with that look, that look where she looks too endeared by something dumb Kelley does or says, it becomes harder and harder for Kelley to not go over and just kiss her.

They still do their morning coffee dates, but it’s a little more awkward and filled with silences where they just stare at each other, and Alex will bite her lip and Kelley’s grip on her coffee cup will tighten. They won’t talk about it, because they wouldn’t be them if they didn’t just ignore the elephant in the room. They’ll drink their coffee and bring back one for Tobin, who’ll thank them and won’t comment on the tension.

The camp goes by quickly though, because despite everything, Kelley was having fun. How could she not be? She was playing a game she loved more than everything with her best friends and the pitch seemed to be the one place where she and Alex weren’t so awkward. In fact, they seemed to be connecting better than ever. She lost count of how many of Alex’s goals she assisted, and vice versa, and they seemed to be able to find each other on the pitch effortlessly. The moments after the goals were a little tense when they had to celebrate, but when they do hug it’s like it’s just them on that pitch. It’s too easy to sink into Alex and forget about everything. Tobin, as much as she pretends to be oblivious, comes to break it up almost every time, inserting herself into the hug. Kelley thinks Tobin can tell that they need to distance themselves as much as she can.

-

The CONCACAF games come round and it’s time for the newbies to prove themselves in Mexico. Alex’s first goal comes in the second game of the tournament, in the group stage match against Cuba. It’s Alex’s second start and she’s being played up top with Kelley, who stands with absolute confidence opposite her during kick off.

“Ready kid?” She asks, with that half-smile.

“Absolutely.” Alex says, in reply, and it’s true because not even two minutes later she manages to find the back of the net. It’s assisted by Kelley who doesn’t even look up until after she crosses it. She knows Alex will be on the end of it and she knows without a doubt Alex will score.

Alex leaps into Kelley’s arm and Kelley catches her, “Your first goal of many,” she shouts into Alex’s ear. Even though Kelley goes on to score a hat-trick in the match, she’ll swear that that was the highlight of the tournament. She’ll leave out the fact that Alex pressing a kiss against Kelley’s cheek before resting her forehead against hers during the celebration, both of them in their own bubble, all the awkwardness and tension forgotten, felt better than scoring any goal.

-

Alex’s parents fly out for the tournament and it doesn’t take long at all for Kelley to charm the hell out of them. They had heard a lot about Kelley over Christmas and Easter and caught glimpses of her on Skype but were really curious about who the new friend Alex can’t stop talking about is like. Kelley greets Alex’s mom with that charming half-smile and a “I see where Alex gets her good looks from” that would be corny from anyone else but Kelley, and it makes her mom giggle like a little girl, and Alex blush a little. Alex’s dad is impressed by the strength of her handshake and also by her- everyone who followed women’s college soccer knew about Kelley O’Hara, the Cardinal superstar.

Alex can’t help but compare this to the first time Serv met her parents. It had taken him a few months of dating Alex to be told to call them Mike and Pam instead of Mr and Mrs Morgan, while it takes Kelley less than an hour. She knows she shouldn’t compare them, that it’s two different situations, but when they’re all sitting at dinner with Kelley’s arm resting on the back of her chair, it’s hard to tell the difference.

-

As the tournament comes to a close, Kelley approaches Alex before they have to get their own flights to Georgia and California respectively. Alex looks a little surprised, but smooths out her expression quickly. Kelley can’t help her nervous half-smile, which Alex’s eyes linger on for a moment too long.

“Hey,” Alex says, and Kelley just hands her the small box that she spent too much time wrapping, well, attempting to wrap, at least. “What’s this?”

“You didn't think I’d forgotten your birthday, did you?,” Kelley says, shrugging. Alex’s birthday was in two days, but since they had the games to focus on, Alex had insisted she didn’t want to celebrate it this year. Alex stares at Kelley, which makes Kelley want to walk away and pretend this didn’t happen. Alex looks down at the box finally, and unwraps it gently, almost reverently. She gasps when she opens the box, using her finger to trace over the pendant. “It’s a lily, you know, because they’re your favourite flowers.”

“Kelley,” Alex breathes out, and she’s never heard someone say her voice that softly before.

She swallows hard. “So you like it?”

“I love it, dummy,” Alex says, tugging Kelley forward by her jacket so she can hug her. Kelley sighs, as she breathes Alex in. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Not too long now until the World Cup,” Kelley says, before pulling back and becoming a little more serious. “Maybe it’s best we don’t talk until we see each other again, maybe some space would be good for us. I just want you to know that whatever you decide, I'm going to be your best friend. You won't ever lose me.”

“Do you promise?”

“I do.”

-

Her grip on Servando's hand tighten as she watches Ann kiss Kelley on _their_ beach. She can't really feel the pain anymore, she can't really feel anything anymore.

She knows it’s not fair. She had made her choice and Kelley had made hers, and now they’ll live with it. Alex will have to learn to live with it.

Kelley’s hands find their place on Ann’s waist, and Alex can’t watch anymore.

Kelley deserves Ann, she thinks, she deserves someone who's sure.

“Young love,” Servando jokes, and it’s hard to stop herself from flinching.

She hates that word. She hates herself for being so scared. She hates the looks Ali, Christen and Tobin keep giving her, because she doesn’t deserve their pity. She hates that all she thinks about is Kelley. She hates the guilt clawing at her chest. She hates the sinking feeling in her stomach telling her she’s missed her chance.

Servando notices the look on her face. "Are you okay?"

No, she really isn't. "Yeah, I'm fine."

The only thing keeping her going is the hope that one day she’ll get over it. She has to. She forces herself to believe that this was just a dumb crush that would fade with time and she'll go back to being happy with her boyfriend, that one day she'll be able to forget that she ever had feelings for Kelley.

She can't deal with the way Servando is looking at her. She excuses herself, needing some air or maybe another drink. She pushes through the people gathered on the beach, wondering just how many people Ali had invited to Kelley's surprise birthday party. It's after she breaks free from the crowds that she catches sight of Ali walking over to the couple (she hates that word the most) and leaving with Ann in tow. Ali catches her eye as she walks past, and gives her a meaningful look. Of course, she was trying to give them space to talk. She’s reminded that Ali Riley really is one of the nicest people she knows, even if she doesn’t deserve it.

Kelley sits down, cross-legged, on the sand, staring at the waves. Alex watches her for a moment, knowing that she has to talk to her. It's hard to actually take the steps to get to her.

“What are you thinking about, birthday girl?” She asks, dropping down next to her. She's trying to sound like everything was normal because that's what they do.

Kelley glances at her before looking back at the waves. “Nothing much. Long time no see.”

Alex looks down at her hands, feeling the guilt return. “Yeah, I’ve just been spending the break with Serv.”

“Right,” Kelley says, nodding. “He’s here?”

“Yeah. He even got you a six pack of your favourite beers.”

“He’s a nice guy,” Kelley comments, and she’s being honest, because he really is.

“He is, yeah.” It’s silent again, and Alex can’t take her eyes of Kelley. “I have something for you.”

“Yeah?”

Alex takes off the jacket she’s wearing, folds it and gently places it in Kelley’s lap. Giving it back had felt like the right thing to do, as much as she really didn't want to. She has to let go.

Kelley stares at it.

“I forgot you had it,” Kelley admits. “It looked good on you.” The fact that Kelley didn’t even make a quip about Alex giving her her own jacket as a birthday present lets Alex know exactly how hurt she is, and it’s all her fault.

“I reckon it’ll look better on Ann,” Alex says, bringing her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Kelley plays with the jacket sleeve. “We’ll be okay right?”

Kelley takes her time to answer, looking out at the ocean. “We will be.”

“Good, because you’re my best friend,” Alex murmurs. “And I need you.”

It’s the closest she’ll get to actually saying it.

“I know you do,” Kelley says, sounding bitter enough to make Alex’s guilt double. “Just not enough, right?”

Alex doesn’t know what to say to that. She doesn’t think she can say anything now. She knows they’ll get past it one day, heal and move on, but for now, all she can do is say nothing.

Just then, fireworks explode above them, and Kelley lifts her head up to look at them. Alex's eyes remain on her though, watching the way the different colours dance over Kelley's face in flashes, making her eyes glow.

She looks breath-taking, she's always loved her eyes. She's always loved _her_.

Huh.

That's when Alex realises it.

She's in love with her.

She's in love with her but it's too late because Alex has made her choice.

Kelley turns back to look at her now, frowning at the way she was staring at her. "What is it?"

_ I love __you, _Alex thinks. She won't say it though, because it's not fair. None of this is fair but she only has herself to blame.

She shakes her head and knows she has to leave before she does something stupid.

“Happy birthday, Kelley,” she murmurs, leaning to press a kiss against her cheek, before getting up and leaving her to watch the waves.

-


End file.
